Stop the blame game!!
Thursday, 16 February 2017
How to handle criticism effectively
Nobody has 20-20 vision on how their behavior affects others— and nobody enjoys hearing about their weaknesses or shortcomings. Thus, it can be a painful experience when others give us feedback—whether it is designed to help or hurt. Depending on our level of confidence or insecurity, we may interpret any mention of our need to improve as a confirmation or proof of our worst fears—that we are lacking something. However, if we are going to walk in the confidence it takes to live our best lives, we must learn how to benefit from such input. Try these four strategies for responding to not-so-pleasant feedback.
1. Listen . Do not interrupt the confronter with an explanation or excuse for your behavior. Relax. Let your body language indicate that you are intent on hearing all that the person is saying to you. Avoid smirking, rolling your eyes, or seeming skeptical of what is being said. Instead, try nodding your head (this simply says “I hear you”, not “I agree”), looking the person in the eyes, and asking clarifying questions. This will encourage the constructive confronter to relax also and not to struggle to find the right words to keep from offending you. Most of all, don’t focus on how you will respond; just listen. Intently. Listen to discern hidden motives. Some people simply enjoy being critical and can only feel good about themselves when they diminish others.
2. Look for the kernel of truth. There is usually some smidgen of truth in criticism—especially when you hear it from more than one person. Resist becoming defensive. Know that defensiveness is usually a way of resisting the pain of the truth. Never be afraid of the truth; it will set you free if you embrace it.
3. Learn new ways to behave. Ask the confronter for suggestions on how to improve. Being teachable demonstrates emotional maturity, humility, and wisdom. There is an old proverb that says, “Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still.”
4. Leave “groundless” criticism behind. Simply say, “Thank you for your input.” You must handle feedback much like you eat bony fish; you eat the flesh (useful) and leave the bones (useless). Don’t spend time rehearsing the encounter afterward. Remember that nobody can please everybody so you have to respond “like a duck”. No matter how much water you pour onto a duck’s back, it simply rolls off.
Resolve now that you will not let constructive or destructive criticism make you resentful, zap your confidence, nor steal your joy. Rather, you will use it as a stepping stone to a bright future.
Wednesday, 15 February 2017
Being Nice Is Not Enough Sometimes
Being nice is not enough sometimes. It is not enough for you to just be a nice person or a good person . You may wonder what I mean by this statement but its the fact. Sometimes we come across people who are so calm and nice but they have one major flaw that makes their nice character look useless. It is not enough for you to be in a relationship with anyone just because the person is nice. Outside being nice, there are certain responsibilities we all have and if your partner is not able to meet up with those things, then you have a major problem.
It's funny though when you ask some folks why they are dating whoever they are dating and their response is "he's such a nice person" or "she's such a nice person". Now let me state this clearly being nice in reality would not sustain a relationship. I realise a good attitude is a very important factor in the sustainance of a relationship, however it is the only factor.
How would you cope with a nice person who refuses to go to work and decides to just be at home? How would you cope with a nice person who has no dreams or has very little dreams? How would you cope with a nice person whose thoughts never align with yours? How would you cope with a nice person who would never stand up to his responsibilities and wants you to understand? How would you cope with a nice person who talks too much and can never keep a secret? Have you forgotten that every single human being on earth, be it a pastor, physiotherapist, motivational speaker etc has a major flaw that can make light of their strengths. Some folks fall into the trap of being in a relationship with someone because of the illusion of 'a nice person' is all I need. Nice or not nice, be with someone whose shortcoming you can accomodate.
As for the 'so-called nice people, you cant just go about carrying an invisible tag that says I'm nice, everywhere you go. You have certain responsibilities in your home, work etc. Ensure that you fufill those responsibilities.
For the umpteenth time, I say 'being nice is not enough'. Wisdom is the principal thing.
Prayer Still Works
Good Morning!
When your support system walks away, what do you do? You PRAY and move forward! (Isaiah 58:11) You have to connect to people who want to see you advance in life. You will experience betrayal and abandonment sometimes from the ones who you hold closest to the heart. Don’t allow the actions of anyone else take you out of your character - Keep your composure. (Romans 14:16). And in those times when you don’t know what to pray or have the words to say, the Holy Spirit will intercede on your behalf (Romans 8:26)! Remember, Jesus was betrayed, so you are certainly not exempt! (Matthew 26:47-49).
Anybody that can walk away from you isn’t tied to your destiny. It is in these seasons that you need to rely on God most, and your direct access to Him is through prayer! (1 Peter 5:7). Prayer Still Works! Don’t give any further attention to those blocking the path you know God has set for you. You have to trust Him when you cant trace Him. (Matthew 6:27) Be encouraged, for God is always with you! (Deuteronomy 31:6) Look to the hills, for that is where your help is - God is waiting to hear from you! (Psalm 121)
Watch the rebroadcast of @MsJoyceLRodgers
#PrayerStillWorks at tdjakes.org/watchnow or in the TDJ Mobile App.
Changing Careers
Not too long ago, it was common practice to stay on one career path until you retired.
While there are those who found jobs they loved, others have felt stuck in a job that no longer satisfies them. Often we have multiple skills and talents that need to be expressed, and it can be difficult to pull together disparate interests into one job.
But finding an outlet for these varied skills is part of developing our career identity. And as we evolve, our career goals change, and we gain a clearer sense of those jobs that satisfy our deeper sense of purpose.
1. Change Perspective
Most of us cannot just pick up and leave our jobs on a whim especially when we have a family to support. But just because you can’t leave your job now doesn’t mean you will never be able to leave your job. It’s important to have a renewed perspective to turn your current work situation from an obstacle into a jumping off point for a new career.
If you only see your current job as a hindrance, chances are you will not have the energy or focus to plan for a new one. Remember, finding your vocation is a journey with many stops along the way, and your current job may be just one of those stops. Think about what you do at your current job that you love and find ways to do more of it. You may not want to be there, but discovering what you enjoy at your current job may lead you to a more desirable one.
2. Broaden Your Skill Set and Resources
Most people apply to jobs that most closely match their skill set in the hopes of increasing their chances of getting hired. While this seems logical, it does little to get you the job you really want. One way to break out of this career rut is to apply to jobs you do not qualify for. A little counter-intuitive? Yes, but aligning your actions with your desires is a powerful way to alter your career path.
Rework your resume to match the job qualifications as closely as possible, and figure out a plan of action for attaining those skills you do not have. Maybe you need to get a degree, take a class, or simply practice a skill. You may or may not get the job interview, but at the very least you will be more attuned to the skills you need to acquire for the job you want.
3. Set a Plan in Motion
You have a new perspective and new skills but you still aren’t financially stable enough to fully transition into a new career. During this time, it can be easy to fall back into familiar patterns of negative self-talk and defeatist attitudes. But keep in mind that you are closer to your goal than when you first started. Vocational development is a process that takes time. While it may be difficult to break old work habits, you can form new ones with consistency. You may not want to take that class after work, but if you push through, you will reap the reward.
TD JAKES
What you should know about Syphilis
Syphilis is a sexually transmitted disease that is caused by the bacterium Treponema pallidum. It is a very common disease that affects both men and women. Symptoms could be mild or severe depending on the stage of the infection. When left untreated, syphilis could lead to serious health complications. Here are some facts about syphilis you should know:
There are four different stages of syphilis – primary, secondary, latent and tertiary
Signs and symptoms of each stage differs. At initial stage, symptoms are usually unnoticeable and almost usually ignored. As the infection progresses, symptoms become more noticeable and severe
It is contracted through having either vaginal, anal or oral sex with someone already infected. Pregnant women can also transmit the disease to their unborn child which could lead to pre-term delivery, seizures, eye infections and deafness in the newborn. It could also lead to the death of the baby
It can also be transmitted through deep, prolonged kissing and sharing sex toys
It progresses from one stage to the other if not detected early and treated
Symptoms include: sore(s) on the initial site of infection (vagina, penis, rectum or mouth); skin rash; swollen nymph nodes; sore throat; weight loss; headaches and fever. At the last stage, which is the tertiary stage, more serious medical complications like brain and eye damage can arise including death
Condoms do not completely protect against syphilis. This is because sores can occur in areas not covered by a condom
Those infected with syphilis carry a greater risk of being infected with HIV because the sores caused by syphilis makes it easier for HIV to enter the body
Each year, the number of people infected with syphilis continues to rise; more prevalent is the occurrence of neonatal syphilis (babies being infected by their mothers). Just like all STDs, the only way to ensure not being infected with syphilis is to:
Abstain from sex
Use condoms each time during sexual activity, and
Be faithful to a single sexual partner
Source: checkwithdoctoro.com
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