Stop the blame game!!
Thursday 16 February 2017
How to handle criticism effectively
Nobody has 20-20 vision on how their behavior affects others— and nobody enjoys hearing about their weaknesses or shortcomings. Thus, it can be a painful experience when others give us feedback—whether it is designed to help or hurt. Depending on our level of confidence or insecurity, we may interpret any mention of our need to improve as a confirmation or proof of our worst fears—that we are lacking something. However, if we are going to walk in the confidence it takes to live our best lives, we must learn how to benefit from such input. Try these four strategies for responding to not-so-pleasant feedback.
1. Listen . Do not interrupt the confronter with an explanation or excuse for your behavior. Relax. Let your body language indicate that you are intent on hearing all that the person is saying to you. Avoid smirking, rolling your eyes, or seeming skeptical of what is being said. Instead, try nodding your head (this simply says “I hear you”, not “I agree”), looking the person in the eyes, and asking clarifying questions. This will encourage the constructive confronter to relax also and not to struggle to find the right words to keep from offending you. Most of all, don’t focus on how you will respond; just listen. Intently. Listen to discern hidden motives. Some people simply enjoy being critical and can only feel good about themselves when they diminish others.
2. Look for the kernel of truth. There is usually some smidgen of truth in criticism—especially when you hear it from more than one person. Resist becoming defensive. Know that defensiveness is usually a way of resisting the pain of the truth. Never be afraid of the truth; it will set you free if you embrace it.
3. Learn new ways to behave. Ask the confronter for suggestions on how to improve. Being teachable demonstrates emotional maturity, humility, and wisdom. There is an old proverb that says, “Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still.”
4. Leave “groundless” criticism behind. Simply say, “Thank you for your input.” You must handle feedback much like you eat bony fish; you eat the flesh (useful) and leave the bones (useless). Don’t spend time rehearsing the encounter afterward. Remember that nobody can please everybody so you have to respond “like a duck”. No matter how much water you pour onto a duck’s back, it simply rolls off.
Resolve now that you will not let constructive or destructive criticism make you resentful, zap your confidence, nor steal your joy. Rather, you will use it as a stepping stone to a bright future.
Wednesday 15 February 2017
Being Nice Is Not Enough Sometimes
Being nice is not enough sometimes. It is not enough for you to just be a nice person or a good person . You may wonder what I mean by this statement but its the fact. Sometimes we come across people who are so calm and nice but they have one major flaw that makes their nice character look useless. It is not enough for you to be in a relationship with anyone just because the person is nice. Outside being nice, there are certain responsibilities we all have and if your partner is not able to meet up with those things, then you have a major problem.
It's funny though when you ask some folks why they are dating whoever they are dating and their response is "he's such a nice person" or "she's such a nice person". Now let me state this clearly being nice in reality would not sustain a relationship. I realise a good attitude is a very important factor in the sustainance of a relationship, however it is the only factor.
How would you cope with a nice person who refuses to go to work and decides to just be at home? How would you cope with a nice person who has no dreams or has very little dreams? How would you cope with a nice person whose thoughts never align with yours? How would you cope with a nice person who would never stand up to his responsibilities and wants you to understand? How would you cope with a nice person who talks too much and can never keep a secret? Have you forgotten that every single human being on earth, be it a pastor, physiotherapist, motivational speaker etc has a major flaw that can make light of their strengths. Some folks fall into the trap of being in a relationship with someone because of the illusion of 'a nice person' is all I need. Nice or not nice, be with someone whose shortcoming you can accomodate.
As for the 'so-called nice people, you cant just go about carrying an invisible tag that says I'm nice, everywhere you go. You have certain responsibilities in your home, work etc. Ensure that you fufill those responsibilities.
For the umpteenth time, I say 'being nice is not enough'. Wisdom is the principal thing.
Prayer Still Works
Good Morning!
When your support system walks away, what do you do? You PRAY and move forward! (Isaiah 58:11) You have to connect to people who want to see you advance in life. You will experience betrayal and abandonment sometimes from the ones who you hold closest to the heart. Don’t allow the actions of anyone else take you out of your character - Keep your composure. (Romans 14:16). And in those times when you don’t know what to pray or have the words to say, the Holy Spirit will intercede on your behalf (Romans 8:26)! Remember, Jesus was betrayed, so you are certainly not exempt! (Matthew 26:47-49).
Anybody that can walk away from you isn’t tied to your destiny. It is in these seasons that you need to rely on God most, and your direct access to Him is through prayer! (1 Peter 5:7). Prayer Still Works! Don’t give any further attention to those blocking the path you know God has set for you. You have to trust Him when you cant trace Him. (Matthew 6:27) Be encouraged, for God is always with you! (Deuteronomy 31:6) Look to the hills, for that is where your help is - God is waiting to hear from you! (Psalm 121)
Watch the rebroadcast of @MsJoyceLRodgers
#PrayerStillWorks at tdjakes.org/watchnow or in the TDJ Mobile App.
Changing Careers
Not too long ago, it was common practice to stay on one career path until you retired.
While there are those who found jobs they loved, others have felt stuck in a job that no longer satisfies them. Often we have multiple skills and talents that need to be expressed, and it can be difficult to pull together disparate interests into one job.
But finding an outlet for these varied skills is part of developing our career identity. And as we evolve, our career goals change, and we gain a clearer sense of those jobs that satisfy our deeper sense of purpose.
1. Change Perspective
Most of us cannot just pick up and leave our jobs on a whim especially when we have a family to support. But just because you can’t leave your job now doesn’t mean you will never be able to leave your job. It’s important to have a renewed perspective to turn your current work situation from an obstacle into a jumping off point for a new career.
If you only see your current job as a hindrance, chances are you will not have the energy or focus to plan for a new one. Remember, finding your vocation is a journey with many stops along the way, and your current job may be just one of those stops. Think about what you do at your current job that you love and find ways to do more of it. You may not want to be there, but discovering what you enjoy at your current job may lead you to a more desirable one.
2. Broaden Your Skill Set and Resources
Most people apply to jobs that most closely match their skill set in the hopes of increasing their chances of getting hired. While this seems logical, it does little to get you the job you really want. One way to break out of this career rut is to apply to jobs you do not qualify for. A little counter-intuitive? Yes, but aligning your actions with your desires is a powerful way to alter your career path.
Rework your resume to match the job qualifications as closely as possible, and figure out a plan of action for attaining those skills you do not have. Maybe you need to get a degree, take a class, or simply practice a skill. You may or may not get the job interview, but at the very least you will be more attuned to the skills you need to acquire for the job you want.
3. Set a Plan in Motion
You have a new perspective and new skills but you still aren’t financially stable enough to fully transition into a new career. During this time, it can be easy to fall back into familiar patterns of negative self-talk and defeatist attitudes. But keep in mind that you are closer to your goal than when you first started. Vocational development is a process that takes time. While it may be difficult to break old work habits, you can form new ones with consistency. You may not want to take that class after work, but if you push through, you will reap the reward.
TD JAKES
What you should know about Syphilis
Syphilis is a sexually transmitted disease that is caused by the bacterium Treponema pallidum. It is a very common disease that affects both men and women. Symptoms could be mild or severe depending on the stage of the infection. When left untreated, syphilis could lead to serious health complications. Here are some facts about syphilis you should know:
There are four different stages of syphilis – primary, secondary, latent and tertiary
Signs and symptoms of each stage differs. At initial stage, symptoms are usually unnoticeable and almost usually ignored. As the infection progresses, symptoms become more noticeable and severe
It is contracted through having either vaginal, anal or oral sex with someone already infected. Pregnant women can also transmit the disease to their unborn child which could lead to pre-term delivery, seizures, eye infections and deafness in the newborn. It could also lead to the death of the baby
It can also be transmitted through deep, prolonged kissing and sharing sex toys
It progresses from one stage to the other if not detected early and treated
Symptoms include: sore(s) on the initial site of infection (vagina, penis, rectum or mouth); skin rash; swollen nymph nodes; sore throat; weight loss; headaches and fever. At the last stage, which is the tertiary stage, more serious medical complications like brain and eye damage can arise including death
Condoms do not completely protect against syphilis. This is because sores can occur in areas not covered by a condom
Those infected with syphilis carry a greater risk of being infected with HIV because the sores caused by syphilis makes it easier for HIV to enter the body
Each year, the number of people infected with syphilis continues to rise; more prevalent is the occurrence of neonatal syphilis (babies being infected by their mothers). Just like all STDs, the only way to ensure not being infected with syphilis is to:
Abstain from sex
Use condoms each time during sexual activity, and
Be faithful to a single sexual partner
Source: checkwithdoctoro.com
Tuesday 14 February 2017
Love Never Fails
Relationships fail.
Jobs fail.
Families fail.
Marriages fail.
Friendships fail.
Health fails.
In the midst of the hurt and disappointment we endure day in and day out, there is a hope, a security, and a support system in Christ that will never leave us, or forsake us. There is a love from the kingdom of Heaven that NEVER fails. That love is the secure, hopeful, restoring, healing, forgiving, life-transforming love of JESUS CHRIST! This Valentine's Day, meditate and dwell on the beautiful, wonderful love of our Savior!
TD JAKES
Love Nuggets
1. "No woman wants to be in submission to a man who isn't in submission to God!" -
2. "A whole woman will always attract a whole man. When they touch, they will fuse to create a whole marriage. Ultimately, when the time is right, they will produce whole children." -
3. "You need to learn how to love imperfect people," he says. "Because if you succeed at loving imperfect people, then it becomes plausible that somebody could love imperfect you." -
4. "It takes courage to really love someone. Deciding to love gets harder as you get older. It's more and more difficult to fall in love because your 'faller' gets broken. We've all had relationships that didn't work out for one reason or another. The loss of a relationship can be a traumatic experience and can affect us in our lives for months and sometimes for years. You need to understand what role you played in the relationship's demise, and work to come to peace with your partner's behavior as well as your own. No matter what has happened to you, the only hope of a healthy future relationship is to let go of the past."
5. "Some parents are not capable of giving an outpouring of love to their children because they have a 'pint-sized capacity' and cannot fill those who have a '10-gallon capacity to love.'"
Choose to Love
Overtime, we've been inundated with stories of 'and they lived happily ever after'. As far as I'm concerned that statement is nothing but a myth. Truthfully, there are no 'happily ever after' love stories because love can be painful. It requires perseverance to go through the pain of loving someone. People tend to have this image of love being an all rosy affair where you find yourself locked in a perpetual state of happiness. Thanks to the fairy love tales we grew up listening to.
You'll come to find out that love and marriage can turn out to be the most painful things in life. Pain, not in the sense of abusive relationships, but pain in the sense that to love at all means to open up yourself to pain and vulnerability. We all are imperfect beings. A 'so-called' perfect relationship is simply the coming together of two imperfect beings who made a conscious decision to love themselves through it all. Albeit, the pain is supposed to make us stronger. To borrow the words of a popular adage, 'faithful are the wounds of a lover'. You can draw strength from the pain of being in love with someone.
For years, I was stuck in a relationship where I experienced a lot of pain. I saw my partner cheat and she did all sort of nasty things to make me take a walk but I chose to stay because love is not a one-way street of fun, it is a decision. Falling in love may not be a decision, It could be by chance but staying in love or walking out of it is a decision. Love would require certain things, painful as they may be. It would require you to love your spouse or children when there seems to be no reason to do that, it may require you to cater for that loved one who is disabled etc.
In the words of C.S Lewis "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one…The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."
However painful it may be, choose to open your heart to love. Through seflessness, forgiveness, understanding and patience, the pain of loving can be a cord that binds us together, instead of breaking us up. Remember, Love requires sacrifice always.
Choose to love
Monday 13 February 2017
What Does Love Mean To You
Love means a lot of things to a lot of people but have you ever asked yourself what love means to you? How do you show love and to whom do you show love? We been taught about love languages but its application seems to be limited to romantic love and love shown to someone you know but we were not born to love only those we know, we also have the capacity to love even those that we don't know.
Practically ,I think the best example of love was shown by God who sent his 'ONLY' son to die for a world of people who cared more or less about him. God didn't specify who Jesus should die for, rather He sent Jesus to die for all and sundry. Even Jesus, with all the things that men did to him, still decided to let his life down for men, both those he knew and those he didn't know? What greater way to show love than this? A young man once said the true measure of a man's character is how he treats people he doesn't know and not how he treats people he knows.
It will surprise you to find out that many folks do not know what love means. A friend of mine once defined love as 'a feeling you feel when you feel you've not felt a feeling like that before'. Someone once said there's no magic in the world as great as the magic of love. Love really can be defined in a thousand ways.
One question I ask myself is how do we fall in love? What makes us fall in love? Contrary to popular view, there's no such thing called 'Love at first sight. It's a very big lie. What many people experience is really called infatuation. Now what is infatuation? Oxford dictionary defines it as "an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something". Also, urban dictionary defines it as "people thinking they are in love but when indeed it is just a deep lust or like for another person". Unlike love which sees a person's flaws and still accepts the person that way, infatuation doesnt even recognise the flaw, at least in most cases. How in the world do you expect to fall in love with someone on your first sight? Now this doesnt mean infatuation is an evil thing or it cant grow into love. Certainly, you can grow to love the person with time.
So then, falling in love is a gradual process that takes time and understanding. People who have been married for a long time still get to fall in love with each other as time goes on because no matter how hard you try, you can never know everything about a person. Sometimes, we do not choose who we fall in love with but we have the power to choose who we stay in love with. In other words, we may not have the power to control how we feel but we sure have the power to control how we react to those feelings. I've found myself stuck in love with an ex-lover. It seemed to me as though I couldn't just help loving her, despite all the things she did to me but I realised that I had the power to control my attitude to those feelings. So I decided that I may love her, I may think about her but I will not contact her and I will keep a good distance between us. Yes, I had the power to do that. In other words,we choose who we show love to.
Against this backdrop, it is my suggestion that as we grace the Valentine day (which is a symbol of love) endeavour to show love , not just to your partner but to the poor and less privileged ones. Also, endeavour to show love to your neighbours.Today would not be complete if you don't show love to someone you don't know. In the spirit of valentine day, show love to that person in need. Remember love is patient, Love is kind and Love is felt most when its genuine. Show that special person genuine love today.
Happy Valentine's Day!!!
Love Rejoices With The Truth
So often in life we subconsciously delight in the failures of others. I'm sure you're familiar with the quote, "Hurt people, hurt people." If we're being honest, we've all felt a little bigger when someone we don't particularly like doesn't succeed. Competition in the body of Christ is just as present as it is in the world. Choose to LOVE versus winning, because love WINS, every time!
TD JAKES
Love is not easily angered
When anger takes root in our lives, everyone and everything suffers as a result. Keeping tabs on the mistakes our loved ones have made, and allowing anger to take root in our lives are two toxic habits that will eliminate love from your life sooner than you think. Forgive your loved ones, and choose KINDNESS everytime. You'll thank me later!
TD JAKES
What is love and What it isn't
Love is a force of
nature. However much we may want to, we can not command, demand, or take away love, any more than we can command the moon and the stars and the wind and the rain to come and go according to our whims. We may have some limited ability to change the weather, but we do so at the risk of upsetting an ecological balance we don't fully understand. Similarly, we can stage a seduction or mount a courtship, but the result is more likely to be infatuation, or two illusions dancing together, than love.
Love is bigger than you are. You can invite love, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself. You can choose to surrender to love, or not, but in the end love strikes like lightening, unpredictable and irrefutable. You can even find yourself loving people you don't like at all. Love does not come with conditions, stipulations, addenda, or codes. Like the sun, love radiates independently of our fears and desires.
Love is inherently free. It cannot be bought, sold, or traded. You cannot make someone love you, nor can you prevent it, for any amount of money. Love cannot be imprisoned nor can it be legislated. Love is not a substance, not a commodity, nor even a marketable power source. Love has no territory, no borders, no quantifiable mass or energy output.
One can buy sex partners and even marriage partners. Marriage is a matter for the law, for rules and courts and property rights. In the past, the marriage price, or dowry, and in the present, alimony and the pre-nuptial agreement, make it clear that marriage is all about contracts. But as we all know, marriages, whether arranged or not, may have little enough to do with love.
Sexual stimulation and gratification, whether by way of fingers, mouths, objects, fantasy play, whips and chains, or just plain intercourse, can certainly be bought and sold, not to mention used to sell other things. Whether sex should be for sale is another question entirely, but love itself can not be sold.
One can buy loyalty, companionship, attention, perhaps even compassion, but love itself cannot be bought. An orgasm can be bought, but love cannot. It comes, or not, by grace, of its own will and in its own timing, subject to no human's planning.
Love cannot be turned on as a reward. It cannot be turned off as a punishment. Only something else pretending to be love can be used as a lure, as a hook, for bait and switch, imitated, insinuated, but the real deal can never be delivered if it doesn't spring freely from the heart.
This doesn't mean that love allows destructive and abusive behaviors to go unchecked. Love speaks out for justice and protests when harm is being done. Love points out the consequences of hurting oneself or others. Love allows room for anger, grief, or pain to be expressed and released. But love does not threaten to withhold itself if it doesn't get what it wants. Love does not say, directly or indirectly, "If you are a bad boy, Mommy won't love you any more." Love does not say, "Daddy's little girl doesn't do that." Love does not say, "If you want to be loved you must be nice, or do what I want, or never love anyone else, or promise you'll never leave me."
Love cares what becomes of you because love knows that we are all interconnected. Love is inherently compassionate and empathic. Love knows that the "other" is also oneself. This is the true nature of love and love itself can not be manipulated or restrained. Love honors the sovereignty of each soul. Love is its own law.
Deborah Anapol
Vaginismus :Symptoms, Causes and Treatment
Lately, Adekunle has been confused, angry and frustrated. His wife, Darima has refused to have sex with him for over a month. She had continued to turn down his sexual advances despite the doctor’s confirmation that nothing is wrong with her after examining her physically. Darima has refused to put him into consideration, neglecting his feelings as if they were completely irrelevant. He is so tired of being rejected all the time. Is there anything wrong in desiring to have sex with the woman he loves? Is it wrong for him to desire the emotional connection that comes from having sex with his own wife? Could there be something wrong with him that keeps her from not wanting to have sex with him?
Adekunle was beginning to feel unwanted and unappreciated. Although he isn’t a perfect husband, he is doing his best and he also understands her pain. He can vividly remember his last sexual encounter with his wife. It was so difficult penetrating her and when he eventually did, Darima had let out a cry not out of pleasure but rather out of pain. He could barely look into her eyes for he knew how much it hurt her. The pain, he also felt, not just emotionally but physically too – his penis hurt even after two days. He understands that his wife is hurt but he is hurt too and he does not know what to do.
Adekunle, however, does not know that Darima’s refusal to have sex with him is due to the pain she experiences at every sexual intercourse attempt due to a condition called vaginismus.
Vaginismus is a condition where a woman’s vagina is tightened as a result of the involuntary contractions of the pelvic floor (vaginal muscle) causing discomfort, burning and pain; making penetration painful, difficult or impossible.
Its symptoms are burning pain which can be felt before, during or after penetration; and difficult or impossible penetration.
As the man approaches to insert his penis inside the vagina, the vagina muscles involuntarily tightens the vagina entrance making penetration impossible. At other times, penetration may be possible but the woman experiences involuntary tightness resulting to pain, discomfort and burning.
Vaginismus can be caused either by a physical factor (infections, childbirth, menopause, side-effects of certain medications, reduced vaginal lubrication and effects of certain surgeries), or emotional factor (fear, anxiety, traumatic experiences, childhood upbringing and relational issues with sexual partner).
In order to successfully treat vaginismus, it would be helpful to identify its cause. Treatment approach would usually involve both physical and psychological. The time it takes for the condition to be treated would depend on the individual. Once treatments have been received, vaginismus often resolves and the woman is able to have sex and enjoy it.
Source: checkwithdoctoro.com
Ideas for valentine in the church
Preach about love
Maybe it’s not the most original idea you’ve ever heard, but it’s a good one. Valentine’s Day is all about love. Since it’s on the mind, you might as well capitalize on the occasion. You have a lot of preaching material to choose from, though. The whole Bible is a book about love. We’ve listed a couple of notable love stories from the Bible.
1. Adam and Eve (Genesis 2-3)
2. Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 17-18)
3. Jacob and Rachel (Genesis 29)
4. Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 4)
5. The bride and groom (Song of Solomon)
6. Mary and Joseph (Matthew 1)
Create a Valentine’s Day mood
Scatter flower petals in strategic locations. If you need to do some decorating for a Valentine’s banquet, try tossing some flower petals around for an instant Valentine’s atmosphere. Using real flower petals will automatically help to improve the scent, too (the downside is, they can easily get ground into the carpet). Or, for a few bucks, you can buy several bags of fake flower petals at a craft store and reuse them next year.
Use love-themed music
There are a lot of worship songs on the theme of love. A Valentine’s Day church event wouldn’t be complete without singing some of them. Focusing on God’s love is an ideal way to commemorate Valentine’s Day.
Show a Christian movie about love
The theme of love is prominent in a few quality Christian movies (like The Song (2014) ). Host a Valentine’s Day event and show a wholesome movie.
Chocolates for one and all!
There’s an easy way to add some sweetness to your Valentine’s Day event. Hand out chocolates at the door. Score big points. You may want to do this at the end of your Valentine’s service, unless you want to create a major chocolate breath event.
Provide crafts for the kids
Help the kids celebrate Valentine’s Day by helping them make a Valentine’s Day craft. It’s not hard, nor expensive to find a great Valentine’s Day craft. All it takes is some willing helpers, some supplies, and a creative idea. Try something simple like cutting heart shapes from construction paper. A craft that they can give as a gift to their parents will make the event even more special.
Irrigate your Relationships
Many folks find it hard to irrigate their relationships. They always want to be around the same kind of people. Sometimes, when people find themselves in a place where they are regarded as the best or they exercise some form of control, they don't want to leave, always wanting to be around the same set of people. Its a simple problem of comfort zone. People sometimes tend to get too comfortable in a particular place and it becomes a problem as time goes on because it invaribaly means they are not really improving. The fact that you are a doctor doesnt mean you should only hang around doctors. The fact that you are a millionaire doesnt mean you should only hang with millionaires or people less wealthy.
One problem most people face is that they feel more comfortable hanging around people who share a similar problem with them. A single lady will tend to feel more comfortable hanging around single ladies and not married women because she feels she may fall short, when it comes to relating with the woman emotionally, as regards marriage. Similarly, some unemployed folks wouldn't like to relate with employed folks because they think there will be a gulf in their relationship. Also, short people may tend to feel a little discomfort hanging around tall people. Same thing applies to a relationship that exists between tall and short people as well as fat and slim people. Usually, along the line jealousy tends to set in between these two different folks.
The environment you grow up in plays a major role in determining how you wind up. For example, if you take a set of poor people and put them together, of course you should know that their kids will probably grow up learning all sorts of criminal activities and social vices but if you actually spread those same poor people and intersperse them around a couple of rich communities, the probability of those folks winding up that way would be lower.
One major problem people encounter is how they see themselves. How do you see yourself. Do you use other people as a measure of your self worth. It is important that you irrigate your relationships because it helps you to learn new things and helps you discover other things about yourself that you probably didnt know hitherto. The fact that you are a Christian doesnt mean you should relate only with christians. I know you're probably thinking about not being unequally yoked and the 'show me your friend and I will tell you who you are' thing. Yeah I know all of that but who says you have to make them friends.
You cant go hanging around the same set of people everytime. It's kinda boring. Kick out any form of low self-esteem, inferiority complex or jealousy. Irrigate your relationships and intersperse yourself among different kinds of people. However, wisdom is the principal thing. So, irrigate your relationship wisely.
Saturday 11 February 2017
Becoming an attractive personality
You could be the most polished or sophisticated person on the planet, however, if people don’t like you, you’ll have fewer and fewer opportunities to interact with them. Some individuals have the kind of personality that brightens up a room while others improve the environment by their departure.
Personality is the visible aspect of your character as it impresses others. Without a pleasing personality, achieving your personal and professional goals will be an uphill battle. This is not about changing who you are or becoming a people pleaser. It is about coming to grips with the fact that whatever you desire in life will be achieved through other people. Consequently, you must be mindful of behaviors and character traits that attract people and those that repel them.
As you read the following tips for a winning personality, consider areas where you need to shore up your interactions with others.
• Smile. Keep it genuine; don’t do it just to show off your new cosmetic veneers or caps (however, if you need them, they’ll be a great investment and will boost your confidence). Let your eyes smile also. A smile reflects your mental attitude and can affect the attitude of others.
• Listen. Be genuinely interested in other people. Limit the number of times you say “I” during your conversations.
• Don’t interrupt—even if the person is long winded. If you need to make a point, raise your index finger slightly as if to ask for permission to speak.
• Respect other people’s opinions. No need to argue about matters that do not affect the quality of your life.
• Be quick to serve. Jesus cautioned his disciples, “The greatest among you must be a servant” (Matthew 23:11 NLT).
• Be generous. Don’t skimp on tips to those who serve you (see Chapter __ on “Tips on Tipping” for guidelines).
• Don’t be a moocher; always pay your share—and then some.
• Be humble. Don’t brag about your position, possessions, people you know, or places you’ve traveled. Humility tops the chart as the most admired character trait; pride and arrogance are the most detestable.
• Don’t succumb to your insecurities. Avoid self-put downs. Know that you are adequate for every task for your sufficiency comes from God (2 Corinthians 3:5). Confidence is a great people magnet.
Friday 10 February 2017
Speak good things with your mouth
Have you ever thought about God’s wonderful gift of speech? Proverbs 15:23 says A word spoken at the right moment—how good it is! God has given us the ability to bless, encourage, praise, sing and worship with our words.
But too often our mouths—and a tiny instrument called the tongue—get us into trouble. If you have an “unbridled” tongue—and I struggled for years in this area—there’s no end to the havoc you can create in your own life and the lives of people around you.
But the human tongue can be tamed by no man. It is a restless (undisciplined, irreconcilable) evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse men who were made in God’s likeness! (James 3:8-9).
Our words can do severe damage to our relationships, our careers and the world around us. But here’s the good news: With the help of the Holy Spirit, they can also do great good. God can give us the wisdom we need to control our tongues and learn to speak life-giving words that reflect the love of Christ and what His Word says. Here are a few tips to help you tame your tongue and shape your life:
1. Use your words to bless.
Our words have the power to bless or curse. Proverbs 18:21 says, Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life]. We need to pay close attention to the way we talk about ourselves. People who have not disciplined their mouths say some of the most awful things about themselves: “I can’t do anything right. Nothing ever works out for me. Nobody loves me…” Instead of speaking out of our feelings or circumstances, we need to say the same thing that God says about us in His Word.
One of the first things I say when I get up in the morning is “God, I bless this day in Jesus’ name. I bless my husband, children, grandchildren and myself in Jesus’ name. I’m blessed when I come in and blessed when I go out.”
2. Be thankful and say so.
Psalm 100:4 says we should “be thankful and say so.” Tell people you’re thankful for what they do for you—and thank God for everything. Take a few minutes every day and thank God for everything you can think of—your family, your health, food, hot water… God has given us a mouth to glorify him!
When I have my blessing session every morning, I take time to thank God for working in my life. One thing I’ve learned is when we’re waiting for a breakthrough, we need to thank Him for working on that situation behind the scenes. I also thank God for my husband, children and grandchildren as well as all of our partners and all of the people who work with us in spreading the Gospel.
3. Encourage, edify and build others up.
Encouraging people has not always come easy to me, but years ago I made a commitment to God to start doing it on purpose. Every day I ask the Holy Spirit to show me who I can encourage.
Isaiah 50:4 says [The Servant of God says] The Lord God has given Me the tongue of a disciple and of one who is taught, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary.
Think about the people you already know you’re going to be around and ask God to put something in your heart that you can say to them that will build them up.
4. Tell the truth.
The Bible says in John 4 that true worshipers will worship God in spirit and in truth. If you’re waiting for a promotion from God then you need to be committed to the truth. Proverbs 23:23 says Buy the truth and sell it not. Holding on to the truth might mean losing a friend or your reputation. If you’re going to be committed to the truth, there will be times when you’ll have to make a sacrifice. Hang on to it no matter what it costs you. It is so rewarding—the Bible says then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (John 8:32 NIV).
5. Speak the Word of God.
Jeremiah 23:28-29 says He who has My word, let him speak My word faithfully. … Is not My word like fire [that consumes all that cannot endure the test]? says the Lord, and like a hammer that breaks in pieces the rock [of most stubborn resistance]? Keep hitting your problems with the hammer of God’s Word. Speak the Word out loud faithfully. It’ll break the hardest things you’re facing into pieces.
6. Don’t talk too much.
A lot of times, we just need to be quiet. Proverbs 10:19 says In a multitude of words transgression is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is prudent . I think it’s interesting that we have two eyes, two ears, two nostrils—and only one mouth. We need to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to get angry.
Galatians 5:16 says if you walk by the Spirit you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. If you’ll concentrate on God’s goodness, and encourage others along the way, you will experience more joy. God loves you so much, and with His help you can control your tongue and be led by the Spirit daily.
Sex during menstruation
No matter how much we hammer on it that sex during period is not hygiene so many people still engage in it so why not lecture them on what to know about sex during period and that is what this article is about and not promoting sex during period.
Having sex during that time of the month is a personal choice, and there is no reason you cannot enjoy intimacy during that period. However, you always need to take certain precautions even during her menstrual cycle. These tips will help make sex during periods enjoyable and less messy, it will help you be more comfortable with her in bed during her periods.
•Place a towel or cloth on the bed: You cannot deny that sex during menstruation is a little too messy. And your white sheets can take a beating if you do not use anything to catch the mess. So it is a good idea to place a dark towel or a bedsheet under her pelvis before you get going.
•Clean yourself up after sex: Also, be prepared with a warm wash cloth or wet wipes to clean up right after your romp session so that you don’t drip. A quick shower can also be helpful.
•Maintain good hygiene: When you have sex during periods, you not only put yourself but even her at a risk of potential yeast infection. So make sure that you clean your private parts properly, even before sex. It is imperative to wash the top of the penis as not washing it can result in a buildup of smegma, dead skin cells that can lead to infection and irritation.
•Don’t try every sex position: Your partner may not be comfortable with every sex position as certain positions that touch her cervix, like the woman-on-top, can be uncomfortable and even painful. So make sure you stick to positions where she is lying on her back like the missionary. Having sex while she is lying on her back can also help reduce the bleeding and lessen the mess.
•Have protected sex: Just because you are having sex during her periods does not mean that it is safe. Having unprotected sex even during her periods can translate to contracting STDS. Also, the likelihood may be minuscule, but pregnancy can still be a concern even during menstrual periods. It, therefore, can be a good idea to use protection whenever you have sex.
5 Reasons Why You Should Not Take Relationship Problems To Social Media
In the world we live in today, social media has established itself as a global force. Every year, new social media platforms are built, all for the very same purpose of connecting people. The truth is that social media is nebulous. It can serve both as good thing and as a bad thing. It all depends on how it is used. Sadly though, it has become the habit of a few folks to put out their relationship problems on social media. Some folks tend to feel very comfortable letting out their problems on social media. However, it hasn't really turned out well for lots of people. Here are five reasons why you should not do that;
*You Will Expose Yourself: Do you know that you could have hidden that problem. Some people do not really have a good grasp of the statement 'a problem shared is a problem half-solved'. They think that they will be better off letting out the truth. Some people actually let out their problems on social media just to present themselves to the world as the Saint in the problem. They forget that once words are spoken, they can only be forgiven. Even though your partner presents you om social media as the black sheep in a problem, you really dont have to go on that same platform and represent yourself as the 'white sheep' because you have the tendency to say things that you wouldnt have wanted people to know. If you want to prove a point, do it outside social media.
*Not Every Comment or Like is born out of love: I can tell you these you may likely get lots of supportive comments and likes blah blah blah. Alas, do not be decieved. The number of positive comments and likes is in no way a true measure of how many people really like you. Note that people who are not happy for will be happy that you are having problems in your relationship and they will always encourage you to walk. Watch out!
*Relationship-related issues hardly get resolved on social media: I can authoritatively tell you that 80% of the people who carry their issues to the social media regret it at the end of the day. One of the reasons why they regret it is because the issues never really get resolved on social media. You takeit out there, media outlets who are hungry for content pick it up, put a little twist on it and voila, you become the talk of town for a few days, after whicj everybody goea back to their normal, leaving with the same problem, howbeit unresolved.
*Too Many Opinions Will Confuse You: This is a fact, esoecially if you have lots of followers. You will get to see too many reactions and counter-reactions, too many opinions and suggestions on the best thing to do. Truthfully, can you handle all of that? Do not forget those who are not happy for you will also come as wolfs in sheep clothing and give their deceitful suggestions. How would you be able piece all of these together? Wouldn't you be better off without all that unnecessary attention? Think about it.
5. You can speak to God and a Mentor About it: God is the only person I know that will never disappoint you. Even when it seems like he is, know that he has a plan.The big question is can you trust God? Why dont you talk to me about that relationship problem that is giving you sleepless nights. For those who feel more comfortable talking to someone they can see, you can speak to a mentor about the issue. Also, you can speak to a relationship expert about it. There are dozens of radio shows with a good radio hosts who can give sound advice. You can call in on any of those shows, as anonymous caller and share your problem with the radio host. I agree that couple of people may call in to share their opinions on what you should do, thereby taking us to the previous point (no.4), however the difference is that in this case a sound radio host will be able to muddle the pieces of advice together and give you a good suggestion.
Faithtful are the wounds of a friend. Your true friends will tell you the truth but your social media friends will most likely tell you want they know you want to hear. Even the bible says ' Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety'- Prov 11:14.
Love yourself
People say that they love themselves all the time.
Bookstores’ aisles are flooded with the latest praises for self-love and self-acceptance. Still, the charge to “love yourself” is often dismissed.
Maya Angelou once warned, “I do not trust people who do not love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”
It’s true that those who do not unequivocally love themselves aren’t fully living. How can they be of benefit to others when they suffer from a hole in their own hearts?
Researchers have found that self-love and self-compassion make for a better quality of life. Those who authentically love themselves are better able to parent, stay in relationships, protect themselves emotionally and pursue fulfilling careers.
Our internal script and belief about ourselves should be supportive, honest and above all kind. Silent, corrosive thoughts such as: “I don’t know if I can handle this” or “I’ve made so many mistakes” only serve to disconnect us from our innate strength.
As it’s been said, you deserve the love that you keep trying to give away to the world. A full life requires an unabashed love of ourselves; we must be our ultimate ally. Our flaws, our trials, our heartaches are included in our totality.
To finally love ourselves requires the deepest commitment to seeing ourselves as worthy, whole and worth the wait. Its long overdue.
TD JAKES
The Truth About BDSM
BDSM includes bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M). The terms are lumped together that way because BDSM can be a lot of different things to different people with different preferences. Most of the time, a person’s interests fall into one or two of those categories, rather than all of them. Here are certain facts about BDSM.
1. It doesn’t always involve sex, but it can. Most people think BDSM is always tied to sex, and while it can be for some people, others draw a hard line between the two. “Both are bodily experiences that are very intense and sensual and cause a lot of very strong feelings in people who practice them, but they’re not the same thing,” says Thorn. The metaphor she uses for it: a massage. Sometimes a massage, however sensual it feels, is just a massage. For others, a rubdown pretty much always leads to sex. It’s kind of similar with BDSM; it’s a matter of personal and sexual preference.
2. BDSM encounters are called “scenes.” Again, since it isn’t always about intercourse, you wouldn’t necessarily say that you “had sex” or “hooked up” with someone after a BDSM experience. Instead, these are called scenes (like, you scened with someone or you had a scene).
“It’s an evolution from a time where, if you did S&M, you might only do it with a professional for an hour, or you might just see it performed at a BDSM club,” says Brame. “Now people have much more organic relationships, but they still call it a scene — the time when we bring out the toys or get into that headspace.”
3. There are dominants, submissives, tops, and bottoms. So you’ve probably heard about dominants and submissives (if not, the dominant enjoys being in charge, while the submissive enjoys receiving orders). But BDSMers may also use the terms “tops” and “bottoms” to describe themselves. A top could refer to a dominant or a sadist (someone who enjoys inflicting pain), while a bottom could refer to a submissive or a masochist (someone who enjoys receiving pain). This allows you to have a blanket term for those who generally like being on either the giving or receiving end in a BDSM encounter. And there’s no rule that says you can’t be both dominant and submissive in different circumstances or with different partners.
4. It’s not as spontaneous as Hollywood movies or porn make it out to be. Getting swept up in the moment and accidentally stumbling into a millionaire’s red room (where you’ll have multiple orgasms) is probably not going to happen to you ever. But, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. “The sexual fantasy makes everything look so easy,” says Brame. “People who actually do this stuff are very cautious about it. It has to be the right place and right time and right equipment. And you have to know you can get the person out [of whatever bondage] if there’s an emergency. You have to feel you can trust the person.” So there’s a lot that goes into one scene, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less satisfying for those who enjoy it.
5. There’s actually a pre-negotiation period, where the partners discuss what they like, what they don’t like, and what they absolutely will not tolerate.
Think of this as the primer before the scene. “It’s a way of discussing the experience ahead of time that can increase emotional security,” says Thorn. This can involve anything from scripts and checklists to a more informal discussion of what each person’s expectations are for the scene, what they want and don’t want, and any words or actions that are completely off-limits.
6. Know that you can always say no. A lot of people starting out think it’s ‘all or nothing,’ especially if you’ve only been with one partner,” says Thorn. For instance, you might think that because you enjoyed being submissive under certain circumstances, that means you must agree to a whole host of submissive or masochistic behaviors that you’re not necessarily into. But that’s absolutely wrong. You can — and should — pick and choose which BDSM activities you are and are not interested in, says Thorn. And that can vary depending on the situation, the partner, or even the day. Just remember that consent is a requirement in BDSM, and it’s possible to consent to one thing while still objecting to another.
Source: buzzfeed.com
Thursday 9 February 2017
How to control Bad Breath and Mouth Odour
Many people (of all ages) have bad breath. Sometimes it is only for a short period, and with others it is persistent (always). It is estimated that up to 50% of people have smelly mouth all the time. You can develop halitosis even if you brush and floss regularly – in fact, in most cases, bad breath is caused by the gums and tongue – not the teeth! Bad breath is one thing that you might not notice yourself, and no one finds it easy to tell you. People will avoid you, and you can loose friends easily. It is therefore important that you look out for yourself every morning before you step out... and yes, look out for your good friends too!
Mouth odour as well is an embarrassing condition caused by a group of anaerobic, sulfur-producing bacteria that breeds beneath the surface of the tongue and often in the throat and tonsil area. These anaerobic bacteria assist in digestion by breaking down proteins into amino acids, and in the process they excrete waste as odorous and bad tasting compounds that cause bad breath.
CAUSES OF BAD BREATH AND MOUTH ODOUR
*Most people's mouth do not smell fresh when they wake up from bed. This is normal. If you brush your teeth before going to bed, the early morning smelly mouth will not be too bad, in fact some people don't smell at all.
*In some cases they can be caused by bacteria in the mouth breaking down bits of food. Eating strongly flavoured foods, such as onions and garlic, can cause your breath to smell unpleasant and invariably cause mouth odour
*Smoking and drinking a lot of alcohol can also causes bad breath and mouth odour
Here are possible things you can do to control bad breath and mouth odour
STIMULATE YOUR SALIVARY FLOW
A dry mouth gives the perfect environment for the group of anaerobic bacteria that causes mouth odour. Avoiding a dry mouth by stimulating the flow of saliva in your mouth will help you get rid of mouth odour. This can be done by chewing gum, lozenges or mints that are sugar free. The ones that contain Xylitol, a non-sucrose sweeter, are best because they help you avoid cavities.
You can also have a bottle of water handy to drink from time to time throughout the day, to keep your mouth from getting dry.
GOOD DENTAL HYGIENE
Brush your teeth at least twice a day (in the morning when you wake and at night before you sleep). It is very important you don’t neglect to brush your teeth at night because while you sleep little or no saliva is being produced, so anaerobic bacteria have the perfect environment to thrive throughout your eight hours of sleep. Brushing your mouth before you sleep will help remove any food and plaque in your mouth that the anaerobic bacteria can feed on while you’re asleep.
Fluoride toothpastes should be used, alongside brushes with soft (but not too soft) bristles (so you don’t damage your enamel and gum). You should also try to brush within the range of 1 – 2 minutes.
Mouthwashes (alcohol free) and dental flosses can also be used after meals, especially after meals that contain onion and garlic, dairy foods, meat, fish, refined and processed sugars, coffee and juices, and heavily processed foods that contain refined carbohydrates like cookies, cakes, sweets and ice cream which provide the ideal breeding.
FIBROUS FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
Remember the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”. Well in this case, we’ll modify it to, “An apple a day keeps the bad breath away”. Eating fibrous fruits and vegetables like apples, bananas, oranges, potatoes etc., help moisten the mouth and remove the bacteria in the mouth, thus helping you get rid of mouth odour.
CLEAN YOUR TONGUE (INCLUDING THE BACK OF YOUR TONGUE)
Over time, there is a coating that forms on your tongue that becomes the host for many smelly bacteria. It is thus important for you to remember to gently brush your tongue, including the back of your tongue, with your toothbrush.
If your brush is too big to reach the back of your tongue, you can get a smaller brush or something called a ‘scrapper’ to help you reach back there and properly clean the surface of your tongue, removing bacteria, food debris and dead cells that you might not have been able to remove by only brushing your teeth.
You should note that this condition is an easy one to solve, and nothing to worry about. You only need to be dutiful and dedicated about it.
Source: eschooltoday, vanguard
When is Sex Spiritual?
Everywhere I go these days people are struggling with questions about the right use of their erotic energy and how this energy can be expressed in ways that are at once personally satisfying, supporting sustainable relating, and serving spiritual evolution. While there is more to sexual ethics than deciding when and with whom to engage sexually, clarity on this piece can go a long way so that's my focus here. For a larger scope, check out the discussion of sexual ethics in my book Polyamory in the 21st Century.
There is no simple formula which can address all these concerns for one person all of the time, or for all people some of the time, for the simple reason that people come in many different flavors of physical, emotional, and spiritual development, not to mention that these levels can and do change throughout life. At the level of essence we are all equal, but in our individual development some are more mature than others. Difficulties and misunderstandings almost always arise when two - or more - people come together who are at different levels of development and different stages of life especially when these differences are not openly acknowledged and clearly understood by all involved.
Different levels are likely to be present when there are large age differences between partners. Levels are not reliably related to age, although experience usually is. This is one of many reasons that in the past, people often looked to elders, sages, or astrologers for help in making sexual decisions. Another reason is the ease with which we can all be blinded by lust, infatuation, and egoic agendas. We learn through all our experiences. Perhaps we learn even more from the challenging ones than the harmonious ones, but in the end, most of us lean toward choices that create synergy and pleasure rather than drama and chaos.
Recently I stumbled upon a tattered paperback book called The Teachers of Gurdjieff by Rafael Lefort. The book, published in 1966 when I was just a teenager, recounts the author's journey across the Middle East, Turkey, and Afghanistan in search of the source of Gurdjieff's teachings. G.I. Gurdjieff, for those not familiar with this enigmatic man of Armenian Greek ancestry, brought a Westernized version of Sufi teachings to Russia and then Western Europe, in years between the first and second world wars. Gurdjieff's teachings found their way to America where I first encountered them in the early 1970's. By then, they'd had a profound influence world-wide and attracted a large following though Gurdjieff himself had long since left this world.
My own spiritual journey soon took me on to other schools, but not before learning a practice presented as "The Sensation Exercise" which eventually revealed itself as a major foundation for many further developments and which I still share in many of my groups.This practice, like the Taoist Deer Exercise and the Pelvic Heart Breath Cycle, which I also share widely, has a cumulative effect. Doing them once is unlikely to effect any lasting change but doing them daily for months or years can be transformational.
One memorable bit of Gurdjieff lore that remains in my memory is that Gurdjieff once said that his quest for enlightenment definitely would have been derailed if there had been a second obstacle as big as sex. I can't say for sure what he meant by this, but I am sure he didn't mean that there was anything sinful about sex. I can't even remember where I heard it. And it doesn't matter because it's been food for thought over many decades.
Back to the book which is available free online and is a fascinating read - partly because many of the places described are no longer accessible because of war - the main message is that living teachers and teachings grounded in your home culture are more relevant than any dead guru however charismatic he may be. (I consciously say "he" because dead female gurus are a rarity. I challenge you to name more than one!).
Some would say that the whole paradigm of the "teacher" or "guru" is old paradigm and better replaced with the concept of "spiritual friend" which resonates with me so long as we acknowledge the existence of different levels of development. Until you have the discernment to accurately gauge your own development and that of others, you are at risk in both the old and the new paradigms. In the old paradigm you're at risk because you may end up following a charlatan whose spiritual ego, consciously or unconsciously is intent upon using you for his own ends. In the new paradigm you're at risk because you may fail to recognize and value the pearls of wisdom humbly offered to you by one with no agenda and no
marketing plan.
Some early spiritual friends of mine who went by the name UV Family when I encountered them in the early 1980's focused my attention on the need for a new sexual ethic. Their self imposed standard was "no sex before marriage." Before you tune out, let me clarify that they did not mean legal marriage which they had absolutely no use for. Nor was their concept of marriage limited to one person at a time or implying any kind of financial dependency. Rather, they were pointing to the reality that engaging sexually creates a lasting bond energetically. They were suggesting that we not share sexually with anyone we were not willing to be permanently connected with. The purpose of this standard was not to limit the number of partners - they had many - but to put forward some selection criteria. And to formalize the sexual sacrament with a simple, private ritual acknowledging a conscious choice to create a bond. If you don't think this makes a difference, try it and report back please.
The most important selection criteria for the UV's was Shared Purpose. That is, rather than depending upon and identifying with visual stimulation, fantasy, conditioning, emotional desires, acquired information, or hormones to shape our erotic experience, they were suggesting that we chose others who are aligned with our values and intentions for being here. Of course this implies that you know your own purpose, and that it be more specific than simply to love and be loved (because that would include everyone and put you right back where you started - confused!).
In this way relating becomes a foundation for giving your gifts to the world. Committed sexual relationship serves to nurture, empower, and enlighten lovers as well as all those coming into contact with lovers who stay present and embodied while strongly activated erotically. When high voltage sex is approached with presence and merging of both physical and energy bodies, direct contact with the Divine becomes possible. Now the erotic energy - whose function is connecting heaven and earth - is truly serving our spiritual evolution!
Deborah Anapol
What is love?- The Pyschologist's View
Love is involuntary. Brain science tells us it's a drive like thirst. It's a craving for a specific person. It's normal, natural to "lose control" in the early stage of romance. Love, like thirst, will make you do strange things, But knowledge is power. It's a natural addiction and treating it like an addiction can help you.
We were built to fall in love. Are YOU in love?
The ancient Greeks called love “the madness of the gods.” Modern psychologists define it as it the strong desire for emotional union with another person. But what, actually, is love. It means so many different things to different people. Songwriters have described it, “Whenever you’re near, I hear a symphony.” Shakespeare said, “Love is blind and lovers cannot see.” Aristotle said, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”
THE OVERALL HYPOTHESIS
But we think that romance is one of three basic brain systems that evolved for mating and reproduction:
The sex drive or lust—the craving for sexual gratification --evolved to enable you to seek a range of potential mating partners. After all, you can have sex with someone you aren’t in love with. You can even feel the sex drive when you are driving in your car, reading a magazine or watching a movie. Lust is not necessarily focused on a particular individual.
Romantic love, or attraction—the obsessive thinking about and craving for a particular person --evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time. As Kabir, the Indian poet put it: “The lane of love is narrow; there is room for only one.”
Attachment -- the feeling of deep union with a long-term partner --evolved to enable you to remain with a mate at least long enough to rear a single child through infancy together as a team—although many of us remain together much longer, and enjoy the benefits of life with a partner even when there is no goal to have children.
These three brain systems--and feelings--interact in many ways to create our myriad forms of loving.
We began our studies with attraction. Whether it’s called romantic love, obsessive love, passionate love, or infatuation, men and women of every era and every culture have been affected by this irresistible power.
The intensity of romantic love tends to last somewhere from six months to two years before turning into attachment in most relationships. Romance is where love begins, and it seems to have the most extreme effect on human behavior.
Behavioral traits of early stage romantic love:
Special meaning: the romantic partner is the center of the world, and you like anything they like
Intense energy and it’s hard to sleep
Loss of appetite
Mood swings
Separation anxiety
Craving
Intense motivation for emotional union
Possessive
Intrusive thinking
Source: anatomyoflove.com
What is Love?- The Philosopher's View
It may seem doubtful that philosophers have much to tell us about love (beyond their love of wisdom). Surely it is the poets who have the market cornered when it comes to deep reflection on the nature of love. John and Ken question the notion that love cannot be captured by the light of reason by turning their attention to the philosophy of love with philosopher-poet Troy Jollimore from CSU Chico. Troy is the author of Love’s Vision, as well as two collections of poems: At Lake Scugog and 2006's Tom Thomson in Purgatory, which won the National Book Critics Circle Award. This program was recorded live at the Mill Valley Public Library, just north of San Francisco.
Listening Notes
Many people have claimed (at least once) that they are in love, and it is a theme in countless books and songs. But what is love? Is it rational or irrational? John and Ken agree right off the bat that it’s a complicated concept. Troy Jollimore, philosophy professor, poet, and author of Love’s Vision , is invited to the conversation to puzzle with them.
John begins with the million dollar question: “What is love?” Troy responds by saying that love is an emotion, but there are more than simple feelings involved. Love is also a perception of value and a commitment of will. Feelings come and go, but along with this ebb is a consistency of decision to be devoted to someone.
Next, Ken wonders how subject love is to reasons. He describes a few of the reasons why he loves his wife; she’s smart, beautiful, and cares about animals. But if those qualities are the reasons why he loves his wife, Ken wonders, then why wouldn’t he begin to love someone else who had more of the same qualities? And why don’t other people love his wife if they agree that his reasons are good ones? Troy calls these two scenarios the trading up problem and the universality problem. He insists that love is rational, but not in the coldly calculated, economic way of comparison that we usually associate with rationality. He categorizes love is a type of perception which is effected by perspective; to a degree, love is actually “blind,” but this does not mean that it is irrational, because all of Ken’s reasons for loving his wife are still good ones. Although Ken, John, and Troy mostly discuss reciprocal romantic love, they also touch upon friendship, the love a parent has for a child, unrequited love, and the case of arranged marriages.
The last audience comment wistfully compares love to a revolution. Both starts with an idea, come about because something is missing (either in one’s life or in the state of a country), and no two are the same. John finds this comparison apt, and Ken continues by commenting how love is special in that it allows one person to see another in their full, unique particularity. Troy agrees, proclaiming love to be the cure for solipsism.
Source: philosophytalk.org
Trust God
Good day!
God will move everything out of your way in order for you to accomplish your mission. You are not here by accident! Your mission is ordained by God for such a time as this! (Jeremiah 1:5) Your steps are ordered by the Lord! (Psalm 37:23) When He is ready to move you along a path to accomplish your mission, He will be a lamp unto your feet! Trust Him! (Psalm 119:105) Where there is purpose, God will partner with you! He is making a way! He began a good work in you, and He is faithful to complete it (Philippians 1:6). Joseph experienced a season of turbulence, but when God was ready to release favor in his life, everything was moved out of the way so that he could accomplish his mission. (Genesis 50) Have a spirit of expectancy that God will do the same for you. Your beginnings may seem humble, but stay the course of the mission God has you on in this moment. The favor on the other side of your famine will be worth every obstacle you thought was in your way! (Job 8:7)
Watch the rebroadcast of # MissionAccomplished at
tdjakes.org/watchnow
Tuesday 7 February 2017
Pass the test
Good Morning!
If you can pass the test you are going through, you will settle into a stabilized place of perpetual blessing. The enemy knows that God has something in store for you that is beyond what you can ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20). It is his mission to steal, kill, & destroy so you must understand that the test WILL come, but he will not get the victory over your situation! (Isaiah 54:17) How will you navigate through these tests? Know that God has positioned you for such a time as this. Joseph was tested and endured much, but he remained steadfast because he knew God had a plan for his life. Joseph passed the test and received favor in his life he could have never fathomed (Genesis 50). Change your perspective about what is before you, and allow God to do His perfect work in your life (Philippians 4:7; James 1:2-8). The favor will not come before the test. There is a labor you must endure before you get to a place of rest. Pass the test and reap your reward!(1 Peter 5:10, Galatians 6:9)
Watch the rebroadcast of # MissionAccomplished at
tdjakes.org/watchnow or in the TDJ Mobile App
7 Reasons Why Some Women Do Not Marry
Some women in the society today seem to prefer to remain single, as a result of the recent spate of lazy guys who prefer to depend on their wives rather work and be the breadwinners in their home. The continuous rise of women's rights has been part of the impetus for the lack of interest of women in marriage. However, there are several reasons why some women decline to get married.
1. Women have become the person they eventually wanted to marry.Gloria Steinem said “We are becoming the men we wanted to marry”. We are strong and independent enough to take care of ourselves. We don’t need a man to do that for us anymore. Women are self-sufficient and so they are getting married less as compared to the old tradition.
2. Successful women are a threat to most men
Men don’t like it when they feel their masculinity is threatened in any way and especially when it’s from the opposite gender. Men usually don’t like being with a woman who makes him feel inferior in any way or who is more successful than him
3. Career and dreams are the priorities. Women today have understood and known the value of their dreams and learned to sort out their priorities well. Marriage is no longer what they want in their lives; their career comes above them all.
4.They love single life
We need to accept the fact that single life is much happier and less stressful than a married life. You can be carefree and enjoy as much as you want. Go on solo trips and hang out with your friends and when you are earning enough it just adds a cherry to the cake.
5.Dating apps comes to rescue
Dating apps like Tinder have created a culture where casual relationships and hooking up have replaced serious commitment. This works for a lot of women, they've come to prefer the casual relationships to marriage
6. They don’t need to get married to be a Mom
Thanks to the technology, you don’t even need a man if you want to have a baby. There is a great option for women who don’t want the relationship part of motherhood but still wants to be mothers.
7.They are complete on their own.
More women are holding a decent position in companies as compared to men. They are suppressing men in every stage be it education, sports or corporate world. And at times when they need to be the kitchen sink, they can do that too.
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