What is love?- The Pyschologist's View

Love is involuntary.  Brain science tells us it's a drive like thirst.  It's a craving for a specific person. It's normal, natural to "lose control" in the early stage of romance. Love, like thirst, will make you do strange things,  But knowledge is power.  It's a natural addiction and treating it like an addiction can help you.
We were built to fall in love.  Are YOU in love?

The ancient Greeks called love “the madness of the gods.”  Modern psychologists define it as it the strong desire for emotional union with another person.  But what, actually, is love.  It means so many different things to different people. Songwriters have described it, “Whenever you’re near, I hear a symphony.” Shakespeare said, “Love is blind and lovers cannot see.” Aristotle said, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”

THE OVERALL HYPOTHESIS
But we think that romance is one of three basic brain systems that evolved for mating and reproduction:
The sex drive or lust—the craving for sexual gratification --evolved to enable you to seek a range of potential mating partners.   After all, you can have sex with someone you aren’t in love with. You can even feel the sex drive when you are driving in your car, reading a magazine or watching a movie.  Lust is not necessarily focused on a particular individual.
Romantic love, or attraction—the obsessive thinking about and craving for a particular person --evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time.  As Kabir, the Indian poet put it:  “The lane of love is narrow; there is room for only one.”

Attachment -- the feeling of deep union with a long-term partner --evolved to enable you to remain with a mate at least long enough to rear a single child through infancy together as a team—although many of us remain together much longer, and enjoy the benefits of life with a partner even when there is no goal to have children.

These three brain systems--and feelings--interact in many ways to create our myriad forms of loving.
We began our studies with attraction.  Whether it’s called romantic love, obsessive love, passionate love, or infatuation, men and women of every era and every culture have been affected by this irresistible power.

The intensity of romantic love tends to last somewhere from six months to two years before turning into attachment in most relationships.  Romance is where love begins, and it seems to have the most extreme effect on human behavior.
Behavioral traits of early stage romantic love:
Special meaning: the romantic partner is the center of the world, and you like anything they like
Intense energy and it’s hard to sleep
Loss of appetite
Mood swings
Separation anxiety
Craving
Intense motivation for emotional union
Possessive
Intrusive thinking

Source: anatomyoflove.com

What is Love?- The Philosopher's View

It may seem doubtful that philosophers have much to tell us about love (beyond their love of wisdom). Surely it is the poets who have the market cornered when it comes to deep reflection on the nature of love. John and Ken question the notion that love cannot be captured by the light of reason by turning their attention to the philosophy of love with philosopher-poet Troy Jollimore from CSU Chico. Troy is the author of Love’s Vision, as well as two collections of poems: At Lake Scugog and 2006's Tom Thomson in Purgatory, which won the National Book Critics Circle Award. This program was recorded live at the Mill Valley Public Library, just north of San Francisco.

Listening Notes
Many people have claimed (at least once) that they are in love, and it is a theme in countless books and songs. But what is love? Is it rational or irrational? John and Ken agree right off the bat that it’s a complicated concept. Troy Jollimore, philosophy professor, poet, and author of Love’s Vision , is invited to the conversation to puzzle with them.
John begins with the million dollar question: “What is love?” Troy responds by saying that love is an emotion, but there are more than simple feelings involved. Love is also a perception of value and a commitment of will. Feelings come and go, but along with this ebb is a consistency of decision to be devoted to someone.

Next, Ken wonders how subject love is to reasons. He describes a few of the reasons why he loves his wife; she’s smart, beautiful, and cares about animals. But if those qualities are the reasons why he loves his wife, Ken wonders, then why wouldn’t he begin to love someone else who had more of the same qualities? And why don’t other people love his wife if they agree that his reasons are good ones? Troy calls these two scenarios the trading up problem and the universality problem. He insists that love is rational, but not in the coldly calculated, economic way of comparison that we usually associate with rationality. He categorizes love is a type of perception which is effected by perspective; to a degree, love is actually “blind,” but this does not mean that it is irrational, because all of Ken’s reasons for loving his wife are still good ones. Although Ken, John, and Troy mostly discuss reciprocal romantic love, they also touch upon friendship, the love a parent has for a child, unrequited love, and the case of arranged marriages.
The last audience comment wistfully compares love to a revolution. Both starts with an idea, come about because something is missing (either in one’s life or in the state of a country), and no two are the same. John finds this comparison apt, and Ken continues by commenting how love is special in that it allows one person to see another in their full, unique particularity. Troy agrees, proclaiming love to be the cure for solipsism.

Source: philosophytalk.org

17 Gestures to make your man feel loved

Every man feels and receives love in different ways, so not all of these ideas are going to work for you, but at least a few of them will! Pick three this week to use to show your man how much you love him!

1. Food is the way to a man's heart. Make a list of his favorite snacks, treats, and meals - and make one of them for your husband, just because.

2. Put yourself first. Your man is going to feel loved when you take care of yourself. Make time to eat right, exercise, and look your best, so that you can feel your best. Take care of yourself emotionally, too. Love where you are at in life and be optimistic and grateful. Having a happy and healthy wife goes a long ways in helping your man feel loved.

3. Save money. Be more savvy about money, whether you are both the breadwinners, or just one of you. Be smart. Save more. And always express appreciation often to your husband for all he does to help provide for your family.

4. Don't talk bad about him. Ever. Be loyal to your man in every way.

5. Kiss him often. And run your fingers through his hair. He adores affection just as much as you do. Don't forget to give him massive hugs, too. And back rubs.

6. Pick up one of his hobbies and really get into it. I'll never forget the little elderly lady I met when we lived in San Diego. She told me, " Make your husband's hobbies your own. I fix cars and golf, and it has made for the best marriage ever." I'm not saying you can't have your own hobbies, but you can definitely show love for your hubby by showing interest in the things he loves.

7. Let him have some man time. Maybe he just needs a little time to work on the car, or play his favorite video game, or lift weights at the gym with his buddies. Whatever he needs for "alone time," let him have it. It may be wise to even plan a "day away," just for him at least once a year, and let him just have some time for renewal and rest from the daily grind.

8. Catch him doing good. Nagging doesn't work, so make sure you catch him doing good. Often. Offer compliments like, "Thanks for taking the garbage out," or "I love how thoughtful you are," or "You really are the best dad to our kids," or "Your muscles were just made to be my hero and carry in the groceries, and I appreciate your help so much!"

9. Initiate sex more - and be more playful and romantic. Show him you want him and need him as much as he wants and needs you.

10. Write him a letter. Or leave him a note , or send him a text. Your little reminders of love and appreciation go a long way in encouraging him and helping him feel loved. He needs to know you care and that you are thinking about him.

11. Plan a day that he would love - for just the two of you. Maybe you start by kidnapping him and taking him to breakfast, or by letting him sleep in, giving him a massage and breakfast in bed. Make the whole day special and he will feel loved and appreciated. Or, if you are feeling extra ambitious, plan a surprise getaway for the two of you.

12. Honor your roles. No matter your family dynamic, you and your husband both have roles in and out of the home. So honor yours, whether that means doing your half of the chores (and maybe his, just because) or taking the dog to the vet, or picking up that thing he needed for work - honor your role.

13. Tell him often how handsome he is. Say things like, "You always look so great when you wear that shirt," or, "Man, you are a hunk," or "My favorite thing about you is your smile." He needs to hear those things, too. He needs to know you are still super attracted to him.

14. Compliment him often in front of others. His friends and family need to know what a good husband, provider and man he is. Let them know your husband is your hero, but don't be too cheesy about it.

15. Be quick to say you are sorry. Just do it. When you can recognize that you have hurt his feelings, or said something rude, your ability to quickly ask for his forgiveness will help him feel loved and respected. Be humble and just say those two little words.

16. Surprise him with that gift/gadget he has been wanting forever. Or, if he isn't a gift kind of guy, find a way to serve him. Maybe you could clean his car and fill it with gas, or iron his shirts. Or maybe even mow the lawn. Whether you buy a gift or serve him in a non-monetary way, he will feel loved and grateful that you were thinking of him.

17. Ask for his advice, and then follow it. Guys like to fix things, and they often have wise (and realistic) insight into ways of overcoming challenges and problems. It would be wise to show your husband how much you love him by taking his advice, and then thanking him for it later. He'll really appreciate it, and be more likely to give advice when you ask, because he'll know you care about what he thinks and will take his advice to heart

Source: nuturingmarriage.org