"I'm no longer sure of anything. My heart aches and blames me at the same time. Why am I doing this to myself? Am I working too hard? Am I making a fool of myself here? And if no, why then is he treating me like a trash? Am I about to make the mistake of my life? O Lord, please, give me a sign that I am either right or wrong on this. Just give me a sign, Lord.
"I'm a teller in one of the foremost banks in town, so you might as well guess my daily routine. Wake up by four AM, wash my face and brush my teeth, sit on my little bed of three by four and half, read a chapter of the New Testament, kneel with my elbows on the bed and fingers locked solemnly and with my head slightly bowed for my morning prayers which may last between fifteen and twenty minutes. Then I proceed to the bathroom for the quickest shower any normal lady could afford, rush to the dresser for a light makeover and clothing of which the finishing is often done in the office.
"In the midst of all these, I try to put a call through to Jeff before going off to work each work day. Then after each day's work, I call him again before leaving for home. He is that important to me, or I regard him to be that important to me at least. The problem here is this: recently he's been treating my calls as anything but serious. He seldom picks my calls even though he knows that I would almost definitely call in the morning and after work. He hardly calls back even with multiple missed calls on his screen. And when he finally calls, he'd give one flimsy excuse after another. From "O, sorry, I planned returning your call before going to bed but I slept off" to "Please, forgive me, I saw your missed calls too late last night so I decided to wait till first thing this morning". I have had to wonder many times if Jeff would ever realize how much pain he's causing me with his uncaring behaviour.
"Really, the first six months of our relationship was a near heaven on earth. After which period I can't tell what exactly went wrong. He started changing gradually for the worse until the past three months in which I have had to wonder whether I meant anything to him in the first place.
"But I thought I prayed before saying " Yes" to him. Or was I just carried away by his charming looks and both his educational and religious credentials? After committing so much of my emotions, time, finances and hope to Jeff for two good years, I feel like I'm the most miserable fool to ever love. At thirty-three, I have been in and out of a total of four relationships. Right now I fear that even the one between Jeff and I might as well be heading towards the rocks. Honestly, I'm tired. Very tired. Should I break up with him and start all over again? Or should I stay in and try to iron things out with Jeff? Do you think Jeff could be cheating on me?
"Please, what's your advice? How would you describe my relationship with Jeff? Thanks.
Source: aronialawari'sblog
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