The Fine Art of Pretence -I

                   What Manner of title is  this?
I hate pretence!
I dunno how to pretend; I like to speak my mind!
Why should I pretend? Who wants to kill me?
There is freedom of speech!
I will say it as it is!

All right, cool down. Just in case you would like to know, this title was chosen because the writer has observed the hypocrisy immediately revealed once the issue of pretence is mentioned. For goodness sake, you speak your mind?
Really?
All the time?
You mean every single thought that crosses your mind about every single person and event is vented in your reactions and voiced through your lips? What about those times when you were flogged in class and didnt cry till you had got to your seat and bowed your head to break the fountain of tears loose? Or every so often when someone says something and you nod your head, hum or reply without getting all they said? Or when you laughed with someone and then the laughter changed into a straight face as soon they turned their back? What would you call all those times?
Seriously, I am yet to find a human being who bares it all, so maybe you wish to become the first if you subscribe to the idea enunciated at the beginning. I supposeand correct me if Im wrongthat women are guiltier of making such assertions than men are. It could be because its a mans world and we have nothing to prove. Yes, ladies, you heard that right. Its a mans world and Im not afraid to say that cause you cant get me lynched. You think Ive crossed the line? No, Im only speaking my mind, and if its a bitter pill to swallow, then take it or leave it!
You know, the typical woman pretends a lot. Imagine how many guys she has had a crush on and never told them. She may even have snubbed them when they made advancesyet she doesnt pretend. Sometimes a woman would look you square in the face and say I HATE YOU!!! with triple exclamation, and yet at the back of her mind shes dying to have kiss from you. I really think we should have more female than male diplomats because women seem to have that essential quality of pretence required for fruitful diplomacy. Diplomacy is simply pretence with an expected end. Plain truth!
You remember what they say about diplomacy: speak softly but hold a big stick? But really, its not only diplomacy that requires us to cultivate pretence. And there we go: why call it The Fine Art of Pretence? Is pretence supposed to be something positive? Whats the art thing, anyway?
My answer to the question of the positivity of pretence is a resounding YES. Let me tell you something: it is much easier to be reprimanded for something you said or did than for something you left unsaid or undone. The reason is simple: it is easier to say or do something wrong than to reverse the process. How do you take back I hate you when the receiver has already committed it to memory? You see, if we look at things carefully it appears that quiet people are very dangerous, and that is precisely because they have mastered The Fine Art of Pretence. Someone told me that when you question a naturally quiet person on some allegation levelled against him, his silence cannot mean submission to pleading guilty because he would likely have been silent whatever the weather. That spells dangerous, doesnt it?
Now you want to know why we see pretence as an art, and a fine one at that? All of the qualities of greatness require pretence as companion. Why? Precisely because we must all learn to ignore distractions on this highway of success and make them seem less real than they really are till they fade away.
Look at the LONGMAN definition of pretence right here: A way of behaving which is intended to make people believe something that is not true. Now lets look at the verb form: to pretend is to behave as if something is true when in fact you know it is not The real issue, I believe, that people have with pretence is not the fact that it is so badat least we now know that we all pretend in one way or another for better or worsebut because it has been branded with the bad badge, having a lot of hypocrisy and outright mendacity! The level of deception accompanying pretence can be so great sometimes that it leaves the other person befuddled and frustrated, thinking, If only I were a mind reader!
Well, youre not, so get used to it and stop whining!
True, there are people for whom pretence seems the natural thing; they pretend as effortlessly and involuntarily as they breathe. Well, while that is true, it is also sensible to expect that pretence can be learnedelse we should be able to pretend as soon as we are born.
But we all know that pretence is as much an acquired trait as it is inherent, and perhaps the former even more, because we usually pretend in order to ignore something or someone, or to put up a show. That means pretence is causedand thus acquired as a defensive mechanism much of the timeand so becomes a creative art.
Now let me show you a more palatable form of pretence. Heycool down; dont be so eager. Okay, it is called acting. Yeah, now we can better relate with that. Every actor has to learn to fit into a character and play a particular role. That, precisely, is pretence. If youre like me, then you usually dismiss the emotions that well up when you get so caught up in a movie by, They are just acting, or, like my dad would say, Pretenders they all are. Ladies, stop crying when other people are enjoying acting, understood?
Ill show you another scenario where pretence has been found useful. Ever seen someone shouting at another in public? I have observed this situation time and again with consternation, and been both victim and perpetrator of the act. I have found myself shout at people, or sometimes speak softly but stingingly, simply because there are witnesses to tell the story.
You, no doubt, can relate to this tendency. Time and again people say things they dont really mean just because they want to present a false appearance to others. If we were to blame it on temperament, then I would suggest that the more extroverted traits (sanguine and choleric) like a shouting match while the introverts (melancholy and phlegmatic) deal in shyness and silence.
Check it, especially with the sanguine: whenever they want to react to something they consider offensive, they almost always want to make a scene out of it. It is no coincidence that extroverts generally get their fingers burnt more easily than their introverted counterpartsthe propensity to blow things out of proportion becomes their Achilles heel.
What are we saying, then? Pretence is both passive and active. Whatever your temperament, you must learn these two sides of the pretence coin in order to make the most of circumstances. Learn how to feign ecstasy amid disapproval; planned will and spontaneous whim; surprise and serenity; pleasure and painand so on. You should be able to weave yourself into different moulds as occasion demands. As the ancient Egyptian philosopher Ptah Hotep said, Fit thy deeds to the occasion and thy words to the point. That, my friend, is the essence of The Fine Art of Pretence.
Finally, remember, nobody gets ahead by pretending all the time. To be yourself, however, requires that you continue to recreate yourself into an increasingly better you. You are thus able to build the power and wisdom to master situations and command them to yield juice from the top of the mountains (that is, to answer favourably to you). Become a better you.