When Being Critical Becomes A Problem

I’m on a campaign to banish a critical attitude from my life. So far, so good.
Too often I found myself judging other people’s poor relational, financial, and other choices, shortcomings, and inefficiencies. It just seemed hard to overlook behavior that didn’t line up with what I thought reflected excellence or what “should” have been.  The aha moments came quickly once when I started opening my eyes to the negative consequences. For example, when my eleven-year old niece sent me her first email, I was delighted; however, it contained several spelling and grammatical errors. I took the liberty of correcting each one and pointing them out to her. I explained, “I want to turn our emails into a learning experience for you.”
I never received another one!
I’m not naïve as to why this was so. People embrace those who accept them “as is”; no one enjoys being under the constant eye of a critic. Now, this doesn’t mean that you can never give constructive feedback. However, wisdom dictates that we lean more toward affirmations and encouragement and to only address matters of serious concern.
A critical attitude hinders your progress and that of others in your circle of interaction. Have you ever been a part of an organization where one fault-finding person thwarts the effectiveness or progress of the entire group? Or what about the critical parent who so destroys the confidence of a child that he or she never develops the critical survival skills to move forward in life.  If that person is you, let’s see if we can identify potential root causes of your behavior:
Many critical people were raised by parents or others who had no clue as to how to affirm another person. Further, some parents believe that being critical actually inspires a child to achieve great success.
Wrong!
* Sometimes, because of our unique gifting or related experience, we don’t stop to consider that our talents and experience are indeed unique to us. Thus, we unwisely expect everyone else to measure up to our level of gifting.
* Pride and arrogance because of our past successes can cause us to think that we know what is best for all; down with the “idiots” who do not do things “our” way.
* Our unresolved anger and hurt over past incidents or just plain envy can cause us to harbor resentment toward others and to use every opportunity to diminish their image in the eyes of others.
*Finally, a critical spirit is often an unconscious attempt to hide our own faults and shortcomings by casting a negative light on others.
So how do you overcome this behavior?
* Admit your habit of judging or faultfinding. If this behavior is common to your family of origin, decide that the trend stops with you.
* Look for admirable qualities in those you criticize, especially qualities you may not possess.
* Commit to extending to others the grace and mercy that God extends to you daily. Remember, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”
Come on. You can do this. All you have to do is to decide to use words that build rather than tear down.

Source: Deborah Smith Pegues